Sunday, March 8, 2009 @ 3/08/2009 08:37:00 AM
Emotional
Emotional
I couldn't sleep tonight. Though my eyes are tired but they don't obey my command. They don't want to close. I tried closing them up but still my eyeballs keep rolling around. And I started to think. When I think a certain thing, I think them far-fetched and sometimes it is unexpected. Actually my life is simple, but I am the one who make it complicated.
I cried again just now after chatting with Johnny. But maybe I was the one who think far-fetched so no, it's not his fault that made me cry. I was the one who made myself cry. Stupid isn't it? During chatting he told me that probably he can go out to see me after this year. You know a year is so long. He wanted me to wait for a year so that I can go out with him? His parents are so strict. I won't blame him for that. But a year... :'( Anything could happen in a year. His feeling change? My feeling change? No clue.
When I was on my bed just now, I prayed. I prayed for God for at least let me see him once a month. Once a month is enough for me. Approximation I can just see him about 12 times a year. I don't want to wait after this year! It's so long! And I'm an impatient person. Then automatically, my tears drop and drop and drop. sob and sob and sob. I hate this kind of feeling. But what to do. My tears were like a tap water that someone forgot to turn off fully properly. You know the tap water. When it's not properly closed it's like dripping one by one isn't it? Well imagine that's my tears. Dropping one by one. No one knows it unless the person knows that the tap water is unclosed properly. Dropping endlessly.
I always hide my feeling and never show it to anyone else. I felt that my life had now turned monochrome. No one can know how to colour my life.
